Something I haven't talked about

 I wrote this post probably about 2 1/2 years ago.  It was so hard to talk about that I never actually posted it.  I was thinking of my lost baby yesterday during a conversation at a baby shower and I wanted to make sure baby sproul made it to my blog.  Baby Sproul is always in my heart and he/she has made me appreciate my Kaylee and little Malcolm that much more.  I think that because of this experience in life, I have gained a better appreciation for what I have.  I complain less, and I get through tough times better.  With Kaylee I had the baby blues for at least the first month.  Losing baby sproul helped me remember that babies are miracles and to figure out what I needed to do to get rid of it.  I didn't have anything but the above picture to remember him/her by. (I always felt like it was a boy) Anyway, you can read on.  Like I said I wrote this a long time ago:


This post is dedicated to our Baby Sproul. That is what we call him or her. Kevin and I lost a baby by miscarriage on November 21, 2009. Although it is a hard thing to go through, and it will never leave our hearts, I wanted to share the good memories we have of the only time we had bonding the baby we never really got to meet.

When I found out I was pregnant I was SO excited! I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. Knowing that Kevin was the daddy was even more special. Kevin and I didn't want to tell everyone too soon, but we knew that if something went wrong, we didn't want to go through it alone. So I made the appointment for the next Monday and spent some time making pretty cute cards for Kevin's and my parents on Friday. When we gave my parents and Kevin's parents the card there was so much excitement in the room. I remember my Dad in law mentioned this would be the third grandchild, and although that seems like a fact, it was an exciting fact. I got to then stay up with my family and talk about how I was doing and everything. I knew before I got the test results that this was going to be the month. I felt it. I didn't just feel a little pregnant but I just had that feeling like this was it. I started bonding with that little fetus before I even knew for sure it was there. I just remember smiling all the time. I loved Baby Sproul so much. I still do, and even though I don't know everything about what happens after the baby is gone, Baby Sproul is still in my heart and always will be .

These are thoughts that make me happy. Even if it is sad. These make me happy.